Don’t forget your lip-gloss

And your concealer

He’ll be arriving soon

In his shiny blue car

And don’t forget I love you

For exactly who you are.

You’ll look so pretty tonight

He’ll be certain to see

The pretty person inside

That you know you can be

That wonderful person, I thought,

Nobody could see but me

Could I borrow some makeup

To mask the distress

of drowning in sorrow

In the wake of this mess

Frantically hoping you could save me

Turns out, I will have to settle for less

So be safe tonight

And make some new friends

People who will make you forget

Ones who’ll help you ascend

And I’ll move on someday

Until then I will keep on playing pretend…

We are all painfully aware of the cookie cutter formula that applies to every Romantic comedy that has ever existed. Misunderstood average young man meets beautiful young woman, with a heart of gold. They get together and are perfect for one another and really really happy until something bad happens. When it looks as though they will surely lose one another, the man finds the courage to track the woman down and tell her that he loves her in simple, honest language. She is swept off her feet and they ride off into the sunset knowing that all will be well. After all, they have met adversity and triumphed over it.

But what happens if adversity resurfaces and lingers and no matter what, it cannot be overcome? The movies never tell us how to deal with that. They promise us romance and beauty and passion, they assure us that things will be ok, as long as we find our true love. They lie; the world does not work like this. Romantic comedies know that the world does not work like this yet they prey on our insecurities. They smile at us as they take our money and give us emptiness in return.

I recently saw a picture that tried so hard to be honest. Unlike conventional films, it showcases the consequences of promiscuity and excess. It displays the complications of long term relationships and shows us how an argument that seems so trite can indicate so much more beneath the surface. How sometimes neither party is wrong in an argument and occasionally the best solution is to simply walk away.

Unfortunately it too ends up lying to us. As the movie ends, everything is wrapped into a neat little package. There is no heartache, there are no broken families. No sadness no fear no doubt. All is well. Unfortunately, as I have learned in these last 24 years, more often than not, all is not well. To build ourselves as a society who assumes all will be well is simply setting ourselves up to be so, so disappointed.

Before I make my clean escape, I would like to share with you the following video clip and song. The clip is my friend Howard Beale, and his ingenious explanation of how and why movies and other media lie to us. The second is a song which served as the inspiration for this post. Thank you for reading, God bless.

Song: inspiration

You know what I like? A nice original motion picture. A movie that goes where none have before or, where others have tried yet failed miserably. Also,If you have read this blog before, you know that I kind of have a thing for superhero movies as well.

So naturally I am going to JUMP at a superhero movie that contains the following elements, which I have never, ever, ever seen in a movie before:

A superhero movie, which happens to be 3rd in a trilogy, where the hero becomes evil and then must fight himself to become good again

A superhero movie where the hero must chose justice over revenge

A superhero movie, which happens to be 3rd in a trilogy, where the bad guy is redemed and actually helps the hero in the end

A superhero movie where a 40 story tall monster is wrecking havoc in downtown Manhattan

A superhero movie, which happens to be 3rd in a trilogy, where a beloved character has an awkward death sequence as dawn is breaking which is supposed to symbolize night or evil being broken by this particular character making the ultimate sacrifice (VERY deep, no?)

A superhero movie where the hero has trouble holding onto a ring, while falling for no particular reason

A superhero movie with a bizarre, cartoon-like jazz-nightclub scene

A superhero movie where the hero is struggling with inner demons until his aunt comes by for a visit an incites some “wisdom” that would only be relevant to the sesame street audience.

And Finally, A superhero movie where $40 of the $126 Gazillion budget were invested in the screenplay,with the rest going to an abundance of CG imaging that distracts us from the film and of course the incredibly important random explosions.

So as you can see. Spiderman 3 had a lot to offer me. I must be perfectly honest folks, if it weren’t for my 2.5 loyal readers, this probably would have been the second movie that I have ever walked out of the theatre on.

It also must be quickly noted, however, that this movie, actually did contain about 37 seconds of entertaining material. I wont give away the the super secret all-star-cameo but I will say that this king-among-men gave the picture some sugar by uttering the immortal phrase: “CLATTO, VERATTA, NI-{cough} {cough}”

Final Grade: F+

The fundamental problem with boxing is that every champion falls. Young boxers dream of fighting their way up the circuit and eventually winning the title. But after the title is won, what is next? The boxer has already reached the highest rank he can attain and will spend the remainder of his career fighting to justify his reign as number one.

Even the champ knows that his tenure will eventually expire. Men get old, as younger, stronger, faster and hungrier warriors appear. All the heart in the world cannot defeat father time. So if a loss is inevitable, why do these gladiators put their bodies through the agony?

 Likewise, it is innately human to love. Not necessarily romantic or physical, but true, genuine, I-would-give-my-life-to-save-yours love. It doesn’t have to be the type of love exchanged between a man and a woman, rather it can be the love shared between good friends, a mother and daughter, a mentor and an apprentice.

But we all know as humans that our bodies will amount to nothing more than worm food. We know in the back of our mind that we will lose many of those we love before it all said and done and that in our passing we will leave many behind who haveloved us as well. Those who have lost someone they love can relate with the insurmountable burden of grief that accompanies it. So if a loss is inevitable, why do we put ourselves through the agony?

This is the question that the film Million Dollar Baby presents to the audience. And while it does not give us answers to this hard question it does showcase the absolute bliss of a life well lived. If you haven’t had a chance to check out 2005’s best picture, rent it TONIGHT!

 Final Grade: A  

OK enough about me, what’s in it for you, you’re probably asking yourself?? Well I’ll tell you what; I have just received word of an upcoming movie that will probably change the way movies are made. Am I overhyping? Perhaps, but this movie is really going to transcend something trivial like the Academy Awards. Yes, this picture is destined to become one of those timeless classics that 50 years from now will still be as relevant of a picture as it is today. 

Love is a powerful topic and those Hollywood idiots are notorious for cheapening it, packaging it and trying to sell it to us, through ridiculous vehicles like designer purses and Stairmasters and retarded Mercedes Benzes. Yes, this brainwashed culture thinks and banks on the notion that love is indeed for sale, forgetting that magic of love lies in is its innate nature. We can’t control it; it is something beyond and bigger than ourselves. Yet we let these salesmen on Madison Avenue and in Hollywood whisper promises of acceptance and beauty in ears and we believe them an we pay top dollar for it while they are slowly draining our lives and souls away under the reign of commercialization. 

True love is powerful in its ability to transform the darkest, coldest night into a truly glorious day. And in its ablilty to help us put things into perspective, as our troubles do not seem as worrisome when we are loved.  We almost can’t help but smile when we think about this pure, unfettered feeling.

It is this kind of love that the filmmakers were CLEARLY trying to capture when creating the motion picture experience, Zoo. Honestly I can’t really say anything more about it that Wikipedia hasn’t already included. Except that this film is more than likely to bring a tear to my eye.  

(Anticipated) Final Grade: F

In the meantime, listen to this new song by Thom Yorke, who could possibly be the greatest musician in the world.

Many folks are perceiving this song as a “suicide note.” I can definitely see where they are coming from, the song has a lot of regret in the lyrics and even in the tone of the song.

However, I feel like if this was truly a suicide song, it would end with “This is my way of saying goodbye… Cause I can’t do it face to face or talking to you after it’s too late..” but the song continues and offers hope to the listener… “No matter what happens now, I won’t be afraid because I know, today has been the most perfect day, I’ve ever seen…”

I can remember a few perfect days in my past and they still give me that feeling of warmth and wholeness inside to this day. I also am betting that I have a few in store for me down the road a bit. That feeling of pure joy that overrides any feeling of pain or sorrow.

I do not think that Thom is contemplating suicide; rather I believe that he is thoughtfully revisiting his past. His failures embarrass him but when he digs a little deeper, he remembers the things that count…

Regardless, this song is ABSOLUTELY beautiful, enjoy…

When the movie began, I was delighted to notice a few inconsistencies. For a movie that pats itself on the back for being “non-political” it amused me a lot to observe the former Vice President mocking President Bush TWICE within the opening five minutes of the film. There were also many shots of Gore looking very noble even majestic. How certain I was this film would serve as a fluffy ego trip for this man who has a proven track record of embarrassing himself time after time (after time).

As I progressed deeper into the film, however, I realized that it might actually be a noble endeavor and that his intentions might just be genuine. This man who has quite an impressive political resume did not have to make this move, he chose to and if the purpose of the film was to ‘toot his own horn’ (which I do not believe it was) than it did a very poor job because Mr. Gore was not really the main focus of the picture. It stayed very true in it’s attemt to inform and educate. Unlike other doumenaries I have previously seen that attempt to decieve and misiform…

Throughout the course of the film he presents a compelling argument for immediate energy reform and in the midst of it, we learn about this man, what makes him tick and why these issues are so important to him. For a guy who has consistently been labeled as stiff, dull and just plain weird, he really elaborates himself and his vision with the filmmakers and you leave the film feeling like you know him. Yeah maybe he is not the greatest in a live interview, but the man is sincere. His vision is one of a better world and is talking the nesscissay steps to accomplish that vision.

Sure any real change in the way that the world works seems like a pipe dream and you could argue that anyone who believes differently has seen one too many Disney movies. If I had to bet, my chips are lying on the notion that humanity will destroy itself. But that doesn’t change the fact that there does exist good in the world and someone who devotes themselves wholly to a noble cause, ignoring the cynics, and fighting the good fight… that is someone I can respect and Mr. Vice President, you fit that bill. Learn more about his work at http://www.climatecrisis.net

Final Grade: B+ 

“I tried to think of the most harmless thing ... something that could never destroy us 

... something I loved from my childhood.”

-Ray Stanz, Ghostbusters

Thus the townsfolk of “Itdoesntmatter, USA” begin dying one by one and nobody can figure out who the killer is. (This seemed strange to me as well until I remembered that snow does not have fingerprints) Jack reveals himself at an opportune time as the townsfolk are completely defenseless. (Have you ever tried to hurt snow??)  

Fortunately for the townsfolk, the 8-year-old boy with the heart of gold is able to stumble upon Jack’s only weakness. Not being one to spoil movies, let me just tell you that the object they discover to kill Jack with is actually pretty clever. I was afraid the ending would involve something stupid like, I dunno… Jack falling into a pool full of antifreeze??  

All in all, this movie left me satisfied. The writing was good, the acting was good and the plot was believable. Although the film did feature a rather disturbing “inter-object” sex scene, after I remembered that Jack was still a human being on the inside, it bothered me a lot less. And believe it or not, they made a sequel. You bet your sweet ice-sickle that I will be renting this one soon!!!

Final Grade: C