“Makeup” by Matt Vrabell

December 15, 2007

 

Don’t forget your lip-gloss

And your concealer

He’ll be arriving soon

In his shiny blue car

And don’t forget I love you

For exactly who you are.

 

You’ll look so pretty tonight

He’ll be certain to see

The pretty person inside

That you know you can be

That wonderful person, I thought,

Nobody could see but me

 

Could I borrow some makeup

To mask the distress

of drowning in sorrow

In the wake of this mess

Frantically hoping you could save me

Turns out, I will have to settle for less

 

So be safe tonight

And make some new friends

People who will make you forget

Ones who’ll help you ascend

And I’ll move on someday

Until then I will keep on playing pretend…

If you walk away, I’ll walk away…

June 27, 2007

Unfortunately this will be the last post on this blog. I cannot find the discipline to continually update it and therefore I shall give it back. Before I leave however, I would like to share one last film that I recently watched, and enjoyed immensely.

We are all painfully aware of the cookie cutter formula that applies to every Romantic comedy that has ever existed. Misunderstood average young man meets beautiful young woman, with a heart of gold. They get together and are perfect for one another and really really happy until something bad happens. When it looks as though they will surely lose one another, the man finds the courage to track the woman down and tell her that he loves her in simple, honest language. She is swept off her feet and they ride off into the sunset knowing that all will be well. After all, they have met adversity and triumphed over it.

But what happens if adversity resurfaces and lingers and no matter what, it cannot be overcome? The movies never tell us how to deal with that. They promise us romance and beauty and passion, they assure us that things will be ok, as long as we find our true love. They lie; the world does not work like this. Romantic comedies know that the world does not work like this yet they prey on our insecurities. They smile at us as they take our money and give us emptiness in return.

I recently saw a picture that tried so hard to be honest. Unlike conventional films, it showcases the consequences of promiscuity and excess. It displays the complications of long term relationships and shows us how an argument that seems so trite can indicate so much more beneath the surface. How sometimes neither party is wrong in an argument and occasionally the best solution is to simply walk away.

Unfortunately it too ends up lying to us. As the movie ends, everything is wrapped into a neat little package. There is no heartache, there are no broken families. No sadness no fear no doubt. All is well. Unfortunately, as I have learned in these last 24 years, more often than not, all is not well. To build ourselves as a society who assumes all will be well is simply setting ourselves up to be so, so disappointed.

Before I make my clean escape, I would like to share with you the following video clip and song. The clip is my friend Howard Beale, and his ingenious explanation of how and why movies and other media lie to us. The second is a song which served as the inspiration for this post. Thank you for reading, God bless.

Song: inspiration

I’ll take my Spiderman black with two lumps of cliché

May 8, 2007

 

You know what I like? A nice original motion picture. A movie that goes where none have before or, where others have tried yet failed miserably. Also,If you have read this blog before, you know that I kind of have a thing for superhero movies as well.

So naturally I am going to JUMP at a superhero movie that contains the following elements, which I have never, ever, ever seen in a movie before:

A superhero movie, which happens to be 3rd in a trilogy, where the hero becomes evil and then must fight himself to become good again

A superhero movie where the hero must chose justice over revenge

A superhero movie, which happens to be 3rd in a trilogy, where the bad guy is redemed and actually helps the hero in the end

A superhero movie where a 40 story tall monster is wrecking havoc in downtown Manhattan

A superhero movie, which happens to be 3rd in a trilogy, where a beloved character has an awkward death sequence as dawn is breaking which is supposed to symbolize night or evil being broken by this particular character making the ultimate sacrifice (VERY deep, no?)

A superhero movie where the hero has trouble holding onto a ring, while falling for no particular reason

A superhero movie with a bizarre, cartoon-like jazz-nightclub scene

A superhero movie where the hero is struggling with inner demons until his aunt comes by for a visit an incites some “wisdom” that would only be relevant to the sesame street audience.

And Finally, A superhero movie where $40 of the $126 Gazillion budget were invested in the screenplay,with the rest going to an abundance of CG imaging that distracts us from the film and of course the incredibly important random explosions.

So as you can see. Spiderman 3 had a lot to offer me. I must be perfectly honest folks, if it weren’t for my 2.5 loyal readers, this probably would have been the second movie that I have ever walked out of the theatre on.

It also must be quickly noted, however, that this movie, actually did contain about 37 seconds of entertaining material. I wont give away the the super secret all-star-cameo but I will say that this king-among-men gave the picture some sugar by uttering the immortal phrase: “CLATTO, VERATTA, NI-{cough} {cough}”

Final Grade: F+

Ding, Ding

May 3, 2007

Boxing is a brutal, brutal sport. I often wonder as I watch a match on television, why someone would want to get involved in such a dangerous pastime. I mean even the guy that wins is usually still pretty messed up.  

The fundamental problem with boxing is that every champion falls. Young boxers dream of fighting their way up the circuit and eventually winning the title. But after the title is won, what is next? The boxer has already reached the highest rank he can attain and will spend the remainder of his career fighting to justify his reign as number one.

Even the champ knows that his tenure will eventually expire. Men get old, as younger, stronger, faster and hungrier warriors appear. All the heart in the world cannot defeat father time. So if a loss is inevitable, why do these gladiators put their bodies through the agony?

 Likewise, it is innately human to love. Not necessarily romantic or physical, but true, genuine, I-would-give-my-life-to-save-yours love. It doesn’t have to be the type of love exchanged between a man and a woman, rather it can be the love shared between good friends, a mother and daughter, a mentor and an apprentice.

But we all know as humans that our bodies will amount to nothing more than worm food. We know in the back of our mind that we will lose many of those we love before it all said and done and that in our passing we will leave many behind who haveloved us as well. Those who have lost someone they love can relate with the insurmountable burden of grief that accompanies it. So if a loss is inevitable, why do we put ourselves through the agony?

This is the question that the film Million Dollar Baby presents to the audience. And while it does not give us answers to this hard question it does showcase the absolute bliss of a life well lived. If you haven’t had a chance to check out 2005’s best picture, rent it TONIGHT!

 Final Grade: A  

Mr. Hands, we hardly knew ye…

April 26, 2007

Well, I‘m going to be dead honest with you. I haven’t sat down and watched a movie in about two and a half months. I have been a busy bee lately, but in my spare time I really haven’t been doing anything more productive than sitting around watching TV. “It’s hard for me but I’m trying.” 

OK enough about me, what’s in it for you, you’re probably asking yourself?? Well I’ll tell you what; I have just received word of an upcoming movie that will probably change the way movies are made. Am I overhyping? Perhaps, but this movie is really going to transcend something trivial like the Academy Awards. Yes, this picture is destined to become one of those timeless classics that 50 years from now will still be as relevant of a picture as it is today. 

Love is a powerful topic and those Hollywood idiots are notorious for cheapening it, packaging it and trying to sell it to us, through ridiculous vehicles like designer purses and Stairmasters and retarded Mercedes Benzes. Yes, this brainwashed culture thinks and banks on the notion that love is indeed for sale, forgetting that magic of love lies in is its innate nature. We can’t control it; it is something beyond and bigger than ourselves. Yet we let these salesmen on Madison Avenue and in Hollywood whisper promises of acceptance and beauty in ears and we believe them an we pay top dollar for it while they are slowly draining our lives and souls away under the reign of commercialization. 

True love is powerful in its ability to transform the darkest, coldest night into a truly glorious day. And in its ablilty to help us put things into perspective, as our troubles do not seem as worrisome when we are loved.  We almost can’t help but smile when we think about this pure, unfettered feeling.

It is this kind of love that the filmmakers were CLEARLY trying to capture when creating the motion picture experience, Zoo. Honestly I can’t really say anything more about it that Wikipedia hasn’t already included. Except that this film is more than likely to bring a tear to my eye.  

(Anticipated) Final Grade: F

Hiatus

March 28, 2007


I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I will be back SOON, I promise.

In the meantime, listen to this new song by Thom Yorke, who could possibly be the greatest musician in the world.

Many folks are perceiving this song as a “suicide note.” I can definitely see where they are coming from, the song has a lot of regret in the lyrics and even in the tone of the song.

However, I feel like if this was truly a suicide song, it would end with “This is my way of saying goodbye… Cause I can’t do it face to face or talking to you after it’s too late..” but the song continues and offers hope to the listener… “No matter what happens now, I won’t be afraid because I know, today has been the most perfect day, I’ve ever seen…”

I can remember a few perfect days in my past and they still give me that feeling of warmth and wholeness inside to this day. I also am betting that I have a few in store for me down the road a bit. That feeling of pure joy that overrides any feeling of pain or sorrow.

I do not think that Thom is contemplating suicide; rather I believe that he is thoughtfully revisiting his past. His failures embarrass him but when he digs a little deeper, he remembers the things that count…

Regardless, this song is ABSOLUTELY beautiful, enjoy…

Excelsior!

February 25, 2007

Anyone who believes strongly enough in anything knows that a certain degree of bias will always accommodate convictions. Being a predominately conservative individual, this means that I would normally assume that a move pushing an agenda from former Vice President Al Gore would be absolute crap. As a matter of fact, I was very excited about watching An Inconvenient Truth so that I could talk some serious smack on this guy who has traditionally been so easy to make fun of in the first place.

When the movie began, I was delighted to notice a few inconsistencies. For a movie that pats itself on the back for being “non-political” it amused me a lot to observe the former Vice President mocking President Bush TWICE within the opening five minutes of the film. There were also many shots of Gore looking very noble even majestic. How certain I was this film would serve as a fluffy ego trip for this man who has a proven track record of embarrassing himself time after time (after time).

As I progressed deeper into the film, however, I realized that it might actually be a noble endeavor and that his intentions might just be genuine. This man who has quite an impressive political resume did not have to make this move, he chose to and if the purpose of the film was to ‘toot his own horn’ (which I do not believe it was) than it did a very poor job because Mr. Gore was not really the main focus of the picture. It stayed very true in it’s attemt to inform and educate. Unlike other doumenaries I have previously seen that attempt to decieve and misiform…

Throughout the course of the film he presents a compelling argument for immediate energy reform and in the midst of it, we learn about this man, what makes him tick and why these issues are so important to him. For a guy who has consistently been labeled as stiff, dull and just plain weird, he really elaborates himself and his vision with the filmmakers and you leave the film feeling like you know him. Yeah maybe he is not the greatest in a live interview, but the man is sincere. His vision is one of a better world and is talking the nesscissay steps to accomplish that vision.

Sure any real change in the way that the world works seems like a pipe dream and you could argue that anyone who believes differently has seen one too many Disney movies. If I had to bet, my chips are lying on the notion that humanity will destroy itself. But that doesn’t change the fact that there does exist good in the world and someone who devotes themselves wholly to a noble cause, ignoring the cynics, and fighting the good fight… that is someone I can respect and Mr. Vice President, you fit that bill. Learn more about his work at http://www.climatecrisis.net

Final Grade: B+ 

When someone asks if you’re a god, you say YES!!!!

February 13, 2007

“I tried to think of the most harmless thing ... something that could never destroy us 
... something I loved from my childhood.”
-Ray Stanz, Ghostbusters

 What makes a good, solid horror movie? To some, it is a serial killer who is taking his vengeance upon a group of good looking teenagers who can’t seem to keep their clothes on. Others find pure terror in the supernatural (I find Jehovah’s Witnesses particularly frightening). Personally though, I can’t think of anything more horrific than a killer snowman 

Jack Frost, the self proclaimed “most pissed off snow cone in the world”, was born during a freak accident when a prison transport collided with a truck carrying toxic “turn-a-man-into-snow” chemicals. The prisoner, who happened to be named Jack Frost (yes, irony is a cruel mistress), mixed with the chemicals to form the most ruthless and un-stoppable being of all time.  Now immortal, Jack was ready for revenge, and who better to take revenge upon than a random town full of rednecks in the middle of nowhere?? 

Thus the townsfolk of “Itdoesntmatter, USA” begin dying one by one and nobody can figure out who the killer is. (This seemed strange to me as well until I remembered that snow does not have fingerprints) Jack reveals himself at an opportune time as the townsfolk are completely defenseless. (Have you ever tried to hurt snow??)  

Fortunately for the townsfolk, the 8-year-old boy with the heart of gold is able to stumble upon Jack’s only weakness. Not being one to spoil movies, let me just tell you that the object they discover to kill Jack with is actually pretty clever. I was afraid the ending would involve something stupid like, I dunno… Jack falling into a pool full of antifreeze??  

All in all, this movie left me satisfied. The writing was good, the acting was good and the plot was believable. Although the film did feature a rather disturbing “inter-object” sex scene, after I remembered that Jack was still a human being on the inside, it bothered me a lot less. And believe it or not, they made a sequel. You bet your sweet ice-sickle that I will be renting this one soon!!!

Final Grade: C

What did you want to be when you were a kid?

January 23, 2007

As early as I can remember, I wanted to be a scuba diver. They have it great, they get to swim the depths of the ocean searching for treasure and fighting off blood-thirsty sharks.
 
Then the weight of the world sunk in…
 
Next I wanted to be a superhero. As you can see below, I loved those guys. In a black and white world they were the ultimate good. Their job was to protect the innocent; warding off injustice and evil.
 
Then my eyes were opened; innocence was lost…
 
Then I wanted to be the quarterback of the Miami Dolphins. Sure I wasn’t very big or all that athletic, but my heart was full of hope. As long as I believed, I could accomplish ANYThING.
 
Then reality came to visit…
 
Later I decided I would be a business executive. I would study hard in college and work my way up the corporate ladder. I would do whatever I needed to succeed. By the time I finally reached the top, I wouldn’t let the power and money corrupt me; I would use my powers for good. I would change the world.
 
Then I learned how the world really works…
 
Now, I want to work my way into middle management. I would like to own a home. I would like a family. I would like children of my own to inherit the hopes and dreams that once belonged to me.
 
What’s next???
 
Little Miss Sunshine is an insightful analysis of the various phases of life, much like the ones listed above. Each character has hopes and dreams and wants to do what is necessary to accomplish them. Each one is also in a different stage in their own life, which the film portrays as a series of compromises. When you can’t be the best (Olive), you pick something that you like (Dwayne), and when that falls through you try to succeed in more attainable things: love (Frank), business (Richard) and family (Sheryl). Then after you come to the painful realization that none of those things will make you feel complete, you become old and cynical… then you die (Grandpa).
 
So is Little Miss Sunshine a DOWNER??? Absolutely not…
 
But wait, if all these things that we work towards eventually fall thorough, why is life worth living?? Fortunately for us, the audience, the film does offer hope.
 
Throughout the course of the movie, the family is traveling to this beauty pageant in order for Olive to compete. Misadventure meets tragedy; we laugh with them and cry with them. They experience each other and those experiences draw them closer as a family.
 
Much like the move, life is about the JOURNEY. The people that we get to know and the experiences that we share are where the magic truly lies. That same magic you can see in Olive’s eyes when she smiles from ear to ear.
 
So is the film suggesting that we not have goals?? Absolutely not. It is important to have goals, but if we let them consume us, we miss out on life and living. For far too many people, this is a reality, which is truly a tragedy.
 
Final Grade: A 

Punish This!!!!

January 12, 2007

Growing up I was always a big fan of Superheroes. I can’t place my finger on why I was so entranced by them, whether it be their strength, their courage, honor, their super sweet costumes, all those cool super powers or all those cool gadgets. Maybe it was simply because they always got the girls…
 
Regardless of exactly why I have been a fan of comic book lore; Superheroes have always and continue to be a big part of my life. And I never could tell which one was my favorite; I usually swing back and forth between Batman and Superman. That is until last night when the debate was finalized for good. That is because I watched The Punisher, and realized that he is indeed the ultimate hero.
 
You see there are a lot of potential villains out there (probably some reading this blog) and if such would-be-lawbreakers were sitting around and evaluating the crime that they were thinking about committing, I can see how they could be confused as to what would happen if Batman caught them (Would he hit me with a baseball bat?, would he turn his bat minions on me??) You see there is no ambiguity with the punisher, if you f*** with the punisher, he will PUNISH your ass. Personally, I like it when all the cards are on the table.
 
Secondly, most heroes rely on super powers and/or super gadgets. Not the Punisher, he doesn’t have time to mess around with X-Ray vision or Shark-repellant spray, he has WAAY to many villains to kill (and in creative ways too)! All the Punisher needs is his seemingly endless arsenal of automatic firearms and his trusty (also seemingly endless) bottle of Wild Turkey 101.  He also doesn’t wear tights; rather he wears a very classy Skull T-shirt that he must have purchased at a Jerry Garcia concert.
 
Also, his nemeses are way tougher than any other heroes that I can think of. Lex Luthor, bah! The Joker??? Don’t make me laugh. The punisher has to deal with this guy AND his cute sailor striped shirt. And if that isn’t enough, what about a very washed up John Travolta minus his New-Wave suit AND/OR bell bottoms. How do you do it Punisher??
 
Finally the Punisher is the Ultimate hero because he teaches us true values. We learn to shun mercy, embrace violence and drown our sorrows with liquor. We learn that revenge is superior to forgiveness and that when we feel it necessary, we should take the law into our own hands. You know, all the important lessons from the Good Book
 
As you can clearly see, Punisher is a great hero and comic book franchise. Truth, justice and the American way missed the cut because frankly there were far too many explosions going on. Also missing out were the plot and believable actors, but Oh the destruction!!! (I am certain that Jerry Bruckheimer had to of been involved with this film) The biggest wreck, however ,turns out to be the movie itself. Two hours is far too long for a popcorn flick and the lack of a climactic finale made me want to cry.
 
A second Punisher film is rumored to be in the works, and I can only hope that this time, good taste will prevail and it will be rightly named The Punisher meets The Muppets. Now THAT’s got Oscar written ALL OVER IT!!!
 
Final Grade: D